I never liked that wording. I could never put my finger on why exactly but it’s not my cup of tea. I’m a fan of the more traditional “The honor of your presence is requested…” In part because I’m all about efficiency. The first one requires you to go in and note a number for every single card. We have enough details to attend to and this shouldn’t be one of them. However, this has also opened the door for people to decide your guest list by making executive decisions and inviting who they think you may have left out.
I received an RSVP card 2 days before the deadline from a husband and wife pair who decided that they were not satisfied with simply checking off the “Will Attend” box on the reply card. Instead they went back, scratched out the check mark and wrote “FOUR” on that line. Who are the other two people? I don’t know them. Maybe they wanted to invite their kids. It could be that 1 set of in-laws live with them. Hell, for all we know, their distant cousin Tim might be in town temporarily, on sabbatical from his Alaska fishing job and they decided to add him and his lady friend of the month to the invitation for a free night out, courtesy of my wallet.
For starters, I specifically addressed the invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Smith*. Not to The Smith Family. That may have gone over their heads, but it was a calculated move. Furthermore, while I think they have kids, their kids are at least high school aged. If they don’t attend my wedding, I’m certain they can watch themselves while mommy and daddy are away for a few hours since they only leave about 15-20 miles from my venue. Given the fact that I was paying per person for each guest, I think it was quite presumptuous of them to assume that I must host their children (or whoever, because frankly, I don’t even know who they intended to save the other 2 seats for) if I invite them. There was no attempt made to call me or ask if it was ok. Just a change to my invitation and my guest list count without my input/permission. Maybe they were hoping they could sneak it in without me noticing.
I set the card aside and I contacted them about this “evident mistake” they’ve made in “accidentally” sending a card back with the “incorrect number of guests” (hehe). I eventually heard back and was advised it was for their (as I suspected) teen aged children. Since I am a take-no-prisoners kind of person, I dealt with this the best way I know how: I sent an invitation for two. Not 3, not 4. TWO. I will either have 2 of them at the wedding or 0. They declined. The attendance of the Smith family was 0.
To be clear, Mr. and Mrs. Smith are distant family friends and were not invited because of their direct connection with me. They were invited as guests of my other family members. So they’re essentially guests of guests, inviting other guests. What do we call that? 3rd hand guests? Which makes the situation even more ridiculous.
People love to tests your limits. This is why I am a firm believer in setting boundaries and remaining consistent. Otherwise, we run the risk of putting people’s comfort so far ahead of our needs that we find ourselves in precarious circumstances that may impact us for a long time. If I allowed every couple to bring 2 additional guests, I would have had a 500-person guest list, a 6-figure wedding and a massive amount of debt.
We are expected to be responsible and spend only what we can afford. Bride and grooms are often criticized, by the very people they hosts, for having a lavish affair. Yet, they continue to insist on creating a situation where we overspend on the most expensive portion of the wedding. No thank you and be gone.
The only people invited are the ones listed on the invitation. If you’re a guest, please refrain from “suggesting” anyone else unless you’re writing me a check.
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty and etiquette violators.