Once you start planning a wedding, everyone will tell you the same thing: food and beverage will be your biggest expense. Whether you have a big or small wedding, aged steak or backyard barbecue, you will spend the bulk of your money on your caterer. So what is your biggest path to huge savings? Cutting your guest list. This is a taboo area for many people. We don’t want to offend our friends and family. We don’t want to make people feel left out and we want to follow etiquette. But at what point does making things right by our our friends and family cross the line into doing something that is harmful to us?
I have no interest in the “this is my day” rhetoric of self-centered bratty brides. I do, however, have a lot of interest in making sure that people do not take on more than they can chew. What purpose does it serve to spend more than you can afford so other people can be happy? All your guests and their flavor of the month +1 are not vested in your life past the point of celebration. When you return from the honeymoon, your utility bill will still be waiting for you. (One month, well before our solar days, when we had electric heat our bill was $620. Thanks National Greed Grid!) You still need to put food on the table, and you still need to save for retirement.
Sure, there are some people who will say: “If you can’t afford it have a smaller wedding!” or my absolute favorite: “Don’t get married!” Of course. I will put off getting married until I am able to pay for your sister who I haven’t seen in 10 years or spoken to in 5, to come to my wedding. /snark
People just love to make brides and grooms feel guilty about setting boundaries by using negative terms such as bridezilla or by calling people selfish. But is the couple really the source of issue? Because, if you think about it, what other kind of event do you go to where you think you can demand to bring people? What other events do you go to where you call the host and find it acceptable to suggest changes to the guest list? None. Your job’s Christmas party? You tend to find a babysitter or you stay home. If your neighbor invites you to a barbecue, do you say “my sister was wondering why she wasn’t invited” or do you just go?
The point of a wedding celebration is for the couple to celebrate the beginning of their (hopefully) lifelong journey with those who are the closest to them. It’s not a block party. Most importantly, as the hosts, they decide the guest list. Not you. You don’t have a say unless you’re writing checks. Period. It is extremely disrespectful, entitled and self-centered to think that you can dictate how others spend their money.
In an attempt at guilt-tripping you into doing their bidding, people will even go as far as giving you the following friendly reminder: “Don’t let this go to your head. Do you really want to ruin friendships over a one-day party? If you were really my friend, you would invite my neighbor’s cousin’s dog along with the litter of new born puppy from Forks, WA.” (Twilight reference FTW!) In those cases, you have my blessing to tell them: “Do you really think I’m dumb enough to let a one-day party put me in a financial hole? If you were really my friend you would be more respectful of my boundaries and be appreciative that I consider us close enough to invite you.”
Why should you cut your guest list? Let’s do some math:
Say you’re inviting 210 people at $100 a piece. But you decide to cut out 10 of them. That’s not just $1,000 in savings. There are administrative fees, for me they were 19%, ($190), there are taxes (6.25% where I am which means $74.38 since the administrative fees are taxable), non-taxable automatic gratuity 15% ($150). 10 less people means 1 less table, therefore, 1 less centerpiece. Centerpieces can range anywhere between $50 to $150. I’ll put them right in the middle at $100. That’s another $106.25 saved with the florist (keeping the same tax rate of 6.25%). Cake costs up to $6 a person if you want anything above basic scroll work (i.e. fondant, fresh flowers etc.), so that’s $63.74 for cake including tax. Don’t forget to budget for favors at $3 a person so there goes another $31.87. If you want those nice chiavari chairs, they will cost between $7 and $10 to rent depending on where you are and who you’re getting them from. But for to avoid complicating this any further, let’s assume all that good stuff is already included in your $100 package (it’s not but humor me).
Have you been keeping track? You can check my math if you want but I’m up to $1,616.24. “It’s just 10 more guests!” doesn’t sound as trivial if I remind you that this is probably a month’s rent for a lot of people, does it?