Demanding Due Dilligence is NOT Victim Blaming

By now most of you have heard of the 10-month old who died (likely a painful and horrible death) after being sexually assaulted by her mother’s boyfriend. If you haven’t heard yet, you will soon. Everyone is angry and rightly so. This male creature, as I dare not call him a man, is evidently a sick person, with no conscience, and probably can’t even be rehabilitated. I may not be a health care provider but I am not stupid and anyone who would ever commit such a despicable act has to be beyond redemption. How many people with healthy brains and  true humanity would ever do something as deplorable and sickening as sexually violating a baby and leaving her to die? But this is not about him. This is about little Emmaleigh and other victims like her. So we are going to talk about that a bit.

I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion because keyboard activists are misguided and have misaligned priorities. However, this is not about your feelings. The lives of the murdered and raped children supersede your sensibilities.

I feel for the baby’s mother. She waited 9 months to meet her baby, nurtured her for 10-months only to watch her die at the hands of a man that she brought into her life. However, I have to ask: where was the mother in all of this? Why did she leave her baby with this man unsupervised? While she couldn’t have possibly known he would rape her, there are a multitude of stories out there that report on men killing, beating or abusing children, particularly  children that their girlfriends had from previous relationships. Knowing those facts, a wise woman would take extra precautions to protect her flesh and blood. Mothers have a responsibility to screen and vet all of their partners to an extent they normally wouldn’t if they were child free. Why? Because your kids don’t have a choice in who they frequent and since you make that decision for them, the least you can do is take steps to ensure their safety. As a woman, you can’t let your desire for penis overrule your protective instincts. Your children are vulnerable until they can make their own choices. As long as you’re making decisions for them, they are going to suffer the consequences of your actions.

I’m sure some of the belligerents will accuse me of victim blaming, in which case I will be pointing out that the mother is not dead or a rape victim. Unless they can point to where I blame Emmaleigh for her own abuse, they’d be better off not wasting their energy on false accusations.

Others might point out that biological fathers also kill. Of course they do, but that’s not the topic at hand is it? That’s nothing more than a straw man argument. I don’t care for anecdotal evidence of great step dads and terrible biological dads, because none of those negate this tragedy. No matter how good of a step father you are or your mom’s husband was, that won’t bring back this little girl, and it will not restore the broken little girls who have been raped. They also don’t change the statistics. Regardless of what we think biological fathers might do, we still have a responsibility to create a safe environment for those we bring into the world. Not that this is the point I’m trying to make, but maybe we shouldn’t be procreating with losers either.

We understand statiscal relevance in all aspects in life, except when it’s time to establish true accountability. People die in car accidents and people die in shark attacks. When you drive to the beach, you wear your seatbelt but you rarely thing of a shark unless you see one. That’s because you know that dying in a car accident is infinitely more likely to happen, so you protect yourself. A shark attack is not impossible, yet it is so unlikely it doesn’t stop you from enjoying the ocean. So how is it different?

I refuse to let my sympathy for her pain blind me to her missteps. She might have suffered loss, but she can rebuild. That will never be an option for her daughter.

Screen your mates (before and after motherhood). Give your children a chance.

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